Goodness, I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post. I apologize to anyone who has been waiting patiently for a new post. I've been dealing with 'issues' and just haven't been up to writing. The issues are spiritual, not physical. Although, I think if they were physical it would be easier for me to deal with.
I have come to the realization that I have been pulling back...pulling back from many thing but NOT pulling away from God. In fact, I've been pulling closer to Him than I would expect of myself given my 'issues.' For that, I am thankful. I never want to pull away from my Lord! I want only to get closer to Him. Lisa, from A Moment With God, had a post this morning that touched me in a way that I needed to be touched. Her post today was "What If?" As I read the post, I began to ask myself, "What if I would just let go and let God?" I want to. I really do. However, the human part of me is having a very hard time doing that. I've been hurt. I've been humiliated...if only in my own eyes. I've been made to feel unwanted and underappreciated. Why can't I just let it go. God is in control. He knows what is best for me and for everyone else. Why is it that I know this but I don't know this? Sometimes I find myself wondering if it will ever get better when I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it will. Sometimes I want to crawl in a hole and never come out yet I know that that would solve nothing! I put on a 'happy face' and try to act as if I'm doing just dandy...knowing all the while that those close to me know good and well that I'm not!