Wednesday, June 8, 2011

No nuggets...

My life seems to be turning every which way lately.  I don't understand why things are happening the way they are.  I don't understand why people that I thought were my closest and dearest friends are doing the things they are doing.  I don't understand why I can't get past the hurt and loneliness.  I pray and pray and nothing happens.  Just when I think that God has allowed me to get beyond this and that I can handle the things thrown at me...something will happen or something will be said randomly and BAM...I'm right back to the hurt again!
Through all of this, I am not hearing God...He is not giving me any 'little nuggets.'  I know He is here...His word says He will NEVER leave me nor FORSAKE me!  So, why is it that I can't see Him at work in all of this?  I KNOW that I know that I know...He is here...He is at work...

No, things aren't going like I want them to go.  Things in my life are changing...and I don't like the way they are changing.  To me the changes don't make sense.  The changes are all being done in the Lord's name, yet it seems to me that it's all being done just because the I's are bored, etc. with the way things are. 

I don't mean to ramble, but I am to the point that I can't do this anymore!  I am, it's not all about me, I know that...but I HURT!!!
I want to hear from God.  I want to serve God more than anything else.  I seek His face.  I desire to feel His presence EVERY DAY in my life!  Some of the people that I love more than life itself are even some of the ones hurting me the most...and they don't even realize it!  I know that they are excited for the changes that are happening to them...but those changes are tearing me apart!  It's hard to see and hear the excitement in their voices and lives when the changes are destroying what was.
I don't understand...I guess I don't have to understand...I just need to allow God to do whatever it is that He is doing.  I know there is a plan and a purpose...which doesn't necessarily include or exclude me.  So, I will go by day...and prayerfully, the hurt will dissipate [SOON!].  I pray that God will allow me to get beyond this and that I will begin to hear His little nuggets again [SOON!].  I pray that if God is trying to show me something that my eyes will be open and that I will begin to see.  I don't want to be bitter...I don't want to dislike those that were once so very close to my heart...I don't want to hurt.  I DO want to feel the excitement and the joy that everyone else seems to be feeling!
Please pray for me...I know God is here and I know He hears!
Walking the walk & talking the talk,

***Tomorrow I will be posting on my beautiful mama's blog...Who is God?  It is the story of a miracle.  Be sure to check it out...I think it will bless you!


Jenifer Metzger said...

I dislike changes but sometimes they are necessary. God is doing something big. I can feel it. He has been plans for ALL involved. Because God has big plans, Satan is on the attack, in a very big way. Even when we don't like what is going on we MUST push through it and find God's joy.

Unknown said...

Debi, I was just praying these very things for you this morning. That means that God has you on His heart. He showed me what you were feeling so I could pray for you. This is God! I have no doubt. He is doing something BIG and it's for all of us. And Jenifer is right, satan is on the attack. But God has joy waiting for you. Keep clinging to Him. Love ya Debi and I'm praying for you.

Phather Phil Malmstrom said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this much turmoil and upset in your life Debi. You're right though, that although we can't always see the "Big Picture", God has one for each of us. He never will leave your side or forsake you, His plans just aren't obvious at the moment.

I'm praying for you to gain that peace you seek... soon!

Have a Blessed Day!

Deane said...

Sis, things happen, some for better and some worse. I know you have been hurting and there is really nothing I can say to help you, I wish there was. I do know Jesus told us in the last days Satan would do things in Jesus' name to complicate things. It takes the very elite to discern the difference between them. I am not saying this is not God doing the changing but if it is He has some really mighty big plans for you. At least you are clinging on to God and this will make you much stronger. I am sorry the ones you love so much is involved in this as they would never hurt you intentionally. I know it seems to you that you are always on the receiving end but the riches are awaiting you. You are special in God's eyes and He holds you dearly. I pray for you continually and I pray you will be able to discern between the good and the evil. Evil is lurking around. Loving you so much, Sis.

Dave said...

Deb, I am so sorry about all of this. Had all of this not been done in secret I don't think you would have been hurting so bad. I hope the ones involved in this will learn a big lesson from all of this. Jesus wouldn't have done this in secret and I don't think He would be very proud of the way this was done. It would have saved a lot of hurt had he been open about the whole thing. Sometimes a person says they are doing something in the name of Jesus and yet when it is done in secret I doubt that it is being done in the name of Jesus. Jesus just doesn't do things that way. He owes you a great big apology but I don't see him giving you one, that is a shame as I don't think there is anyone that should feel they are above giving an apology when it is do to someone, after all he says he is working for God. Hum!! I am praying for you and I love you, Sissy.